It doesn’t matter if people are interested. It’s about you taking your stuff and shouting out into the void.

This will be more of an acting themed blog, only becuase that is enitrely my life here at the moment. I’ve become swamped only with acting work, forsaking sightseeing – I mean I will be here a year and so will the sights.

After a couple of acting classes, and tutorials I’m realizing I’m getting the same note I’ve gotten before coming here. ‘Daniella, you are not taking risks You need to go further’. This note is possibly the most frustrating for me because it’s something I’ve gotten before and as much as I try I’m not sure how to fix it. In short, I’m hitting a wall.

I’ve hit the wall before, and my friends and family can attest to that. It usually involves me crying, and beating myself over the head, and stressing out about really stupid things. But this time I’m more alone, and I’m trying to find the strength in myself to fix this for good. and all I can think of is to just ‘do it’. It’s finding the ability in myself , to push myself, and jump over the hump.

I’m sure you actors out there reading this, have felt this before. I know I’m not the only neurotic actor who beats themself up over and over. As a professor once told me ‘All actors are neurotic. They just know how to deal with it – and use it –  better than others’.

I’m confusing myself a lot and on top of hitting this wall, I’ve got auditions next week. I’ve got to get over this before then. And even worse I’m getting sick, or am sick, or something. It’s a cough, it’s in my chest, and it hurts. Contemplating seeing a Doc in a few days if I’m not improving (I said that last weekend too – truth is, I just hate doctors).

So this is where I’m at. Getting tired and frustrated with myself, doubting a little, but not willing to give up. I said I’d blog honestly, and that means I might get a little angsty from time to time. I’m 21, I get to still be angsty! I’m also trying to update more frequently, so my mother stops having to remind me.

Maybe this was a little bit of a vent blog. But for me writing has always been thereupeutic and seeing things on a page, or computer screen, is somehow reassuring.

On a nice note, the weather is getting cooler and London in the morning when it’s crisp and cool, and you’re all bundled up. It’s really beautiful. If you’ve never seen a clear blue London sky, it’s like nothing. I swear the skies are bluer here than in the states.

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Published in: on October 20, 2010 at 10:19 am  Leave a Comment  

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